Last Updated on December 15, 2024
Today I’m going to share a not-so-great experience I had while applying for membership at the Biltmore Country Club and Golf Course, Barrington, IL. For context, Biltmore is a private country club in the neighborhood where I live. This post might be the most first-world problems post I’ve ever written, but if you’ve read my PPP Loans post or the post about my love-hate relationship with Pinterest, then you know when something irks me, I don’t hold back. If you’ve visited the blog before, then you know I’m the weird artsy girl who questions authority and speaks her mind. My family learned a lesson, and yes, there is a moral to this story. Please bear with me.
Table of Contents
An Honest Review Of The Biltmore Country Club — Is It Worth It?
My family and I live in North Barrington, IL, in the Biltmore neighborhood – named as such because the Biltmore Country Club and golf course are right down the street. We moved here six years ago because of the lake resort feel of the area. Mature trees, narrow, curvy, hilly roads, and the homes are not your typical cookie-cutter build in the suburbs.
Honey Lake is a few blocks from our home, and on that lake sits the Biltmore Country Club. Every morning, I walk by the private country club, and it reminds me of Kellerman’s Resort from Dirty Dancing.
Since moving to Barrington, IL, The Boy (my husband) has wanted nothing more than to fish on Honey Lake, but the Biltmore golf course is a private club with beach access, and it has slowly bought up most of the lake rights from homes sitting on the lake. You can look at the water, but no touchy unless you are a Biltmore member. Whomp whomp.
During 2020’s stay-at-home orders, we discussed putting a pool in the backyard, buying a lake house (think murder shack in the woods that I can jazz up), or getting a golf membership at the Biltmore Country Club. Being the non-golfer that I am, I, of course, was all in on the pool idea, but The Boy and my kiddos wore me down.
Many of our friends were members of Biltmore, and the kids’ friends’ parents had golf memberships as well. I gave up my dreams of a pool and applied to become a full-fledged social member of the Biltmore Country Club. Rounds of golf were not in my future, but access to the beach was suddenly possible.
Touring The Biltmore Country Club And Golf Course Before Applying For Membership
We toured the grounds, and I thought, okay, the kids will love this. They can hang out at the Biltmore beach club and the pool; their friends are here, plus The Boy will finally get to fish Honey Lake. The staff was extremely friendly, and while touring the greens, the gentlemen golfing were welcoming – notice how I say the men were nice? Ya, we’ll get to that. Anyhoo, they kept saying, “You’re going to love it here!” Okay, maybe this weird artsy girl is private membership country club material. My takeaway was the people here are not as intimidating as I thought they would be.
Throughout my childhood, I had a few memorable moments of rejection. In elementary school, I was BFFs with Jenny Z – that is until Jenny S. moved to town. In 4th grade, the 2 Jennys passed me a note before recess, “3 is a crowd, and you can’t play with us anymore”. I was crushed and felt like an outsider.
Kyla, what on earth does this have to do with Biltmore Country Club? Well, putting myself out there is…a lot…to say the least. Ever since the Jenny debacle, I’ve protected myself from rejection. For me, it’s a lot of courage. A lot of bravery. A lot of insecurities that bubble up.
The marketing director at Biltmore Country Club, Laura Doherty, told us that not everyone who applies at the Biltmore golf course is accepted, but that was a rarity. She said, “As long as you aren’t horrible people, you shouldn’t have to worry about that being an issue.” But, of course, handing over that application for membership took me right back to the 4th grade. Am I good enough for the Biltmore Country Club?
My two sponsors, who have golf memberships, told me not to worry. For the most part, we don’t make a ruckus. Yes, I was outspoken as an advocate to legalize golf carts in the Biltmore neighborhood, and I may have been a bit vocal here and there over the whole just wear the stupid mask and quit complaining issue. But otherwise, I’m the weird artsy chick who writes a blog and posts photos of her home on the internet.
Applying for Membership At Biltmore Country Club In Barrington, IL
We applied for membership at Biltmore Country Club in May and were added to the waitlist. See, a few months prior, Biltmore Country Club ran a special offer—a discount for both the social and golf memberships which cut the initiation fee in half. Everyone who didn’t want to pay the full price jumped on that special discount. Social memberships at Biltmore Country Club were at full capacity. We waited patiently for 8 months while the kids asked, “Did you hear back from Biltmore?”
The wait ended on November 24. An email notified all private members that a new applicant was under review. It was us. The kids were over the moon, The Boy had dreams of fish swimming in his head, and my nerves about rejection were at an all-time high. During the application process for the Biltmore Country Club, an email goes out to the members asking for board guidance. The board then votes on acceptance.
BTDubs, Biltmore Country Club members cannot share private club communications. For the record, my sponsors did not send this email to me, so don’t get your undies in a bundle. This was sent by a friend who had no idea I had applied.
A few days before the 15-day review period was up, I was invited to the Biltmore Country Club Ladies Luncheon – if you missed it, this is what I wore – scroll down to the bottom. Maybe it was the shoes that did us in? They did catch some attention…anyhoo, I digress. Quite a few ladies told me they were excited to learn about our membership application. I half-jokingly replied, “Well, they told us nothing is guaranteed. I hope we didn’t piss anyone off. My kids and The Boy would be devastated.” They told me to stop being silly and that no one ever gets rejected.
After the membership review period, the board votes. But it was Christmas. Would the board meet before the holidays? Three days after Christmas, there was a knock at the door. FedEx delivered an envelope, and low and behold, it was from Biltmore Country Club! This was it! Merry Christmas to us! My parents, the kids, and I all gathered around the kitchen island while The Boy read the shocking letter of rejection. The board chose not to accept us and returned all of our money – except the $600 application fee.
Letter Of Rejection Of Membership – Biltmore Country Club
Dumbfounded doesn’t even describe the emotion felt. I texted the letter to a few friends, and they were just as flabbergasted. One of us had pissed off a member but, instead of talking to us directly, went to the board of directors and said, “The Herbes can’t sit with us.”
For the record, this review caused quite a kerfuffle in Barrington. The only other applicant rejected in recent years was the ex-husband of a woman whose father previously sat on Biltmore’s board of directors. To get rejected, the level of pissed-offed-ed-ness is messy divorce level.
We are active in our community. The Boy has coached the neighborhood kids in soccer. I’m president of the Biltmore moms group, a founding member of the Barrington Women in Business group, advocate for local businesses, and even owned a shop in downtown Barrington before Covid.
I write a successful blog, and I’ve been featured in Architectural Digest, Fast Company, House Beautiful, and was even featured in the local online publication 365 Barrington. I’m a Better Homes & Garden Style Maker, appeared on BravoTV. Most recently, I filmed a commercial for Walmart. I’ve spoken on the same stage as Nate Berkus and even Gary freaking Vaynerchuk. I’m a homebody, stay outta people’s business, and keep to myself. Seriously, Biltmore Country Club, what more do you want from me? How am I not good enough for you?
After the fog of what the eff just happened wore off, anger set in. Biltmore, you made my kids cry. You hurt my husband. You made me feel inadequate. Positive feedback be damned. Your course profile is about to become slightly tainted because I’m going to write an honest review of my personal experience at your private club.
Biltmore Country Club’s Response To Inquiries
Looking for clarity, The Boy called Laura, Biltmore’s marketing director, but she sent us straight to voicemail. He had a job change since we initially filled out the application back in May. Maybe that discrepancy in our application was the issue? We decided to write an email of inquiry to the board members asking if they could shed some light on the decision. Not knowing the reason for rejection was eating at us. This was the board’s response to our membership rejection.Tommy Nassif sits on the board of directors and is the President/Director of Biltmore Country Club, Barrington, IL
This is how I picture Tommy.
All the feelings from 4th grade rushed over me. Board member Tommy Nassif was my new Jenny. But after thinking about everything that transpired, I asked myself, “Kyla, do you really want to belong to a club that doesn’t want you?” No. No, I don’t. Those people are not my people. Am I sad The Boy and my son can’t fish a lake in my neighborhood, blocks from my home unless invited by a member? Of course, but they’ll get over that. Can I put that returned check towards a pool in my backyard and build a mini private country club in my backyard? Yes. Yes, I can. Only I can allow someone to make me feel unworthy.
And this goes out to anyone who has ever been rejected by a Jenny, a Tommy, a county club, a sorority, heck, even a bowling league. Do not allow anyone to make you feel like less of a person. Be your own unique self. That is what makes you, you. You are awesome, and you can always sit with me, and we can let our freak flags shine together.
This was a difficult lesson to learn, but mark my words; if it was something I said (and I have a couple of thoughts on that; see the update below), I will continue to speak my mind. And I will never try to impress someone just to be accepted. Find your people and embrace them. To all the folks who responded to my texts yesterday, you know who you are. Thank you. Thank you for being my friend. Thank you for your kindness and for offering your help. Thank you for taking time out of your day to listen to me. Thank you for being you. You’ll forever be welcome in my backyard club. I love you.
What Are Biltmore Country Club’s Membership Rates?
Many readers of this post have asked me to share Biltmore Country Club’s membership rates. Laura Doherty emailed them to us when we initially applied for golf membership, so I’m publishing them here because you cannot find them anywhere online. That’s frustrating and silly. Why are they so secretive about what they charge for a private club membership? If you’re reading this today, current rates in the PDF have more than likely gone up. Also, here’s a quick overview of Biltmore’s initiation fees and monthly dues. (One reader noted that it’s crazy that they are a not-for-profit business with fees like this. You be the judge.
Schedule Of Fees At Biltmore Country Club
Equity Golf Membership Initiation Fee is $38,000. After that, monthly dues are $950 ($11,400 annually)
Junior Golf Membership (Ages 23-29) Initiation Fee is $38,000. After that, monthly dues are $381 ($4,572 annually)
Junior Golf Membership (Ages 30-35) Initiation Fee is $38,000. After that, monthly dues are $527 ($6,312 annually)
Junior Golf Membership (Ages 36-39) Initiation Fee is $38,000. After that, monthly dues are $708 ($8,496 annually)
Social Membership Initiation Fee is $6,000. After that, monthly dues are $466 ($5,592 annually)
The initiation fee is a flat fee, only paid once. Biltmore Country Club states that it does offer special financing for the golf member’s initiation fee if necessary.
Additional Monthly Fees For Both Golf and Social Members
In addition to your monthly membership dues, you will be billed monthly for the following additional fees.
Food Minimums range from $75 -$150/month. This means you will be charged a flat fee for food in addition to your monthly dues. Any food you charge to your account that exceeds the minimum amount will be added to your monthly bill. Alcohol is not included.
Maintenance — this charge is an additional $70/month. Pays for maintaining the links course, grounds, and the private clubhouse.
Capital Contribution ranges from $30 – $75. I have no freaking clue what it’s for.
Tennis/Cabana ranges from $15 – $40. This monthly fee may have increased significantly since they recently added pickleball courts.
Club Improvement Fee ranges from $75 -$100/month.
Annual Fees For Golf Memberships Only
You are also billed annually if you have a golf membership:
Locker Room Fee is $300/year. This is for the member only, spouse is optional. Ladies fee is $150/year whether they are a member or spouse.
Club Storage Fee is $150/year. There is an additional $150/bag storage fee for spouse/family.
Golf Shop Buying Program Fee is $200/year. The member can purchase merchandise in the pro shop at 15% over cost.
Driving Range Fee is $175/year. The entire family may use the driving range at no additional cost.
Handicap Fee is $40/year.
Special events are hosted at Biltmore, like a summer kick-off, a 4th of July party, and a Christmas party. They also have the Ladies Luncheon, Wine Night, Mother’s Day Brunch, Biltmore Open, and more. To attend, you must pay an additional fee. I’m including Biltmore’s complete calendar of events for you to download and peruse.
Biltmore offers a summer camp for kids, but as I’m sure you can imagine, that comes as an additional monthly charge. Your child can also join the Barracuda Swim Team, Junior Tennis Team, and the Junior Golf Team. Feel free to download Biltmore’s Summer Youth Program Guide here.
Biltmore Summer Camp and Youth Sports Pricing
Summer Camp — Single Day $82, 9 Days $666, 15 Days $1,080, 18 Days $1,206, 21 Days $1,365, 24 Days $1,512, 27 Days $1,647
Tennis Camp was $270/week
Golf Camp ranged from $175/week (golf members) up to $450/week (social members)
Feedback On This Review
After I published this review on Biltmore Country Club, I received feedback and questions. Some of which you can read in the comment section. Overall, the response was incredibly kind; many readers had also been put off by the management while touring the golf course during their application process. There were also a few active members who were upset that their private club’s reputation had been tainted. I received quite a few not-so-nice emails with choice words. Haters gonna hate, right?
I was also asked if the club ever responded to this review. Short and sweet, no. In fact, my friends with memberships reached out asking for clarity and well, and their inquiries went unanswered. Upon reopening for the season, the board of directors held a private meeting for members to “explain the situation.” However, members were told that the board would not answer any specific questions or go into detail as to why my family was rejected.
I’ve also been asked if I ever solved the mystery myself, and without naming names, possibly? Before Laura Doherty emailed our application notice to members, my two original sponsors, ladies who I met through the Barrington Women In Business group, pulled their support of my family. One texted me (see below). The other never said a word.
I was slightly panicked when I received this text, but two neighborhood families stepped in at the very last second to replace our initial sponsors. For the records, I asked these two ladies to sponsor my family back in May, and they wholeheartedly said yes.
The woman who wrote the text above was very extreme regarding masking. She and I did not see eye to eye on this subject, and I believe this is why she and her BFF (my other sponsor, who never responded) pulled their support at the very last minute—the epitome of catty mean girls. The text below is between me and a mutual friend of those two ladies is what gave me the a-ha moment. This mutual friend never responded after I told her who my original sponsors were.
My guess is the two women and their friends contacted the board of directors, asking them to reject my membership.
If you choose to become a member of the Biltmore Country Club, please keep in mind that this is the high school drama that will infiltrate your life. Most of the members who belong here grew up in the Barrington area.
More Private Country Clubs and Golf Courses In The Barrington Area To Consider
A few other private golf clubs in the Barrington area that I would recommend visiting before applying to Biltmore: Wynstone Country Club, Barrington Hills Country Club, Hawthorn Woods Country Club, Royal Melbourne, The Grove, or Twin Orchard.
More Personal Musings From Kyla
My Life One Year Ago Today a look back on 2020 right before the world shut down
So honored to be named a Better Home & Garden Style Maker
Etiquette Guide To Defriending what to think about before pressing that unfollow button
I took the kids on a spring break adventure into Chicago.
Sharing my first mammogram experience and why you have nothing to fear.
All the Things I’d Tell My Younger Self if I could go back in time.
Maggie D Overby
Not too long ago, I asked my son about a kid who used to hang out in his goofy, creative, eclectic friend group. He said the kid hung out with the “cool” football kids now but he didn’t know why because they just made him the butt of their jokes. Just because you hang with the “cool” kids doesn’t make you one and in the wisdom of a 14-year-old why would you want to hang with those who aren’t nice to you anyway. Besides goofy, creative, eclectic friends are more interesting than a bunch of “cool” cookie cutters. Those Biltmore folks are missing out! (And they were probably intimidated by the shoes, LOL)
Kyla Herbes
Maggie D OverbyOh your son sounds like the sweetest and smartest boy ever ❤️ and ya, it’s got to have been the shoes
Jonette Jordan
Well, I had the potential to be on the A honor roll but I personally did not want to be among the top students after witnessing their actions. I had a science teacher that s invested in my interests and I completed in the science fair and placed twice at the international level. I put my dedication into representing my school in the Village of Caledonia, MN. The school received a copy of my awards to display. I was dumbfounded and confused when the Principal gave them to my science teacher with the statement they were not interested in displaying them. Caledonia has a successful football program so all the displays are filled with tarnished trophies. To add further insult, I had to fight to have this accomplishment in the yearbook! The school paid for the regional and State level expenses as it was a school program. I was beyond devastated. After this brutal reality, I invest my time and energy in events that satisfy my inner interests. I often feel selfish but I’m a very giving person that just needs acceptance and not attention. I am who I am, either you like me our hate me. I don’t invest energy in getting “likes”. It took me three years to make decisions with my head and not with my heart..stick with your own people that love and accept you as you. It’s an ugly, unfair world out there but stay genuine and authentic in everything you do. It’s your journey.
Kyla Herbes
Jonette JordanOh Jonette. You’ve always been someone I’ve looked up to since I was a kid. I remember thinking, “man, she’s so cool” when you and your dad showed up to my graduation party on motorcycles. Shame on your school for not displaying your academic awards. I’m so sorry. It’s crazy how the actions of others can have such a profound effect. But in the end, it’s what makes us stronger.
Alisa Bovino
Omg, what a read! Pulled me right in. I’m sorry you were rejected, I’ve been there. but you keep being you! I bet they were intimidated by those awesome shoes
Kyla Herbes
Alisa BovinoGirl, you’ve known me virtually for years. Not letting a handful of douche canoes who dislike my political views, or masking and covid views, or the color of my house or the car I drive bother me. My kids and husband will eventually see this as well. In the grand scheme of life, this is a blip, but hopefully this post marks a change at Biltmore Country Club. They should never be allowed to make anyone feel like this again.
PattyK
Hey Kyla- It sucks being an outsider, nose pressed against that big storefront window, peering inside at the schmoozers while they clink their fancy glasses and nibble on ridiculously tiny food. But are they having fun the way you would? Do you really want to fit in that bubble, in an intellectual cul de sac, where everyone thinks inside the box? It’s Biltmore CC’s loss; take the gain! And build your own dang pool, play loud music, laugh outrageously loud, and wear whatever tickles your soul. Thanks for sharing your experience.
Liz
This post is I’m so sorry this happened to your family and I absolutely know that 4th grade feeling as a grown, married, mothering adult. But I’ve also learned that Karma can really dish a comeuppance when she wants to. Leave it in her hands and look forward to a better new year.
Rachel
This is Barrington in a nutshell for me. The offputting magazines featuring the rich and powerful, the moms groups where you feel inadequate and an outsider for having the audacity to have accidentally landed in Barrington after a job change and a move across country.
Mike
Kyla
There had to of been a mistake by the Country clubs board.
After this they will no doubt be scrutinized.
Maybe the main stream members will realize they have a problem.
It’s a dilemma for sure.
Your case may have marked a turnaround for the Biltmore CC.
Kyla Herbes
MikeHi Mike! Thanks for leaving a comment. If this post eventually makes a change at Biltmore Country Club, than the entire application rollercoaster ride was worth it. I hope this blemish has left a mark that members want to rectify. I also hope it doesn’t cause a brick to come flying through my window
Bari
Oooh, Kyla! I’d be so ticked. Im so sorry that happened. And I’m really glad you are who you are. Build that pool! I know that neighborhood. My sister and I walk it when I’m in town. It’s so pretty! Whoever the bad egg at that country club is can f the f right off.
Cassie Bustamante
Oh Kyla, this is the adult version of middle school and sickens me! I am so sorry that you had to deal with that and the only ones missing out here are them. You and your family are super rad. Sending you love because I know how crushing these moments of rejection are as well. I’d like to say we’ve all been there, but some Jennies and Tommies never get subjected to it and live their lives as miserable excluding assholes. If you can’t tell, I have been there. 😉 Thanks for sharing your story.
Kristen Zeiger
Big fish, little pond syndrome. Your first mistake was in asking permission to play in their yard. Ironically, Tommy and Jenny lack the backbone to leave their green grass and get real. I have no doubt I would enjoy spending a day on your patchwork lawn, worn from living life, weeds and all!
Ashley
Thank you for your share! It just goes to show money can not buy class. As someone who grew up in a middle class family, I have worked very hard to provide my children with unique life experiences. I am successful in my field, have several degrees and after my second divorce (yes, shock and yet another armband to wear) I still see the value in creating those unique experiences and life lessons. My daughter is a student at one of the schools out here and her choice of dress for homecoming, and myself being the only single parent at the pictures amongst a pretentious group made her feel disliked. We left , her with tears in her eyes. She had never felt judged before. She comes from a family that has unconditional love. We too have been members at a Country Club, she has traveled and had once in a lifetime experiences that some can only dream of. She is smart, has been accepted to multiple colleges, is a great athlete and most of all, a caring and kind soul. However these people made her feel poor and not worth their time. It was unacceptable and downright rude. These families knew we were new to the school (not the district) and made zero attempt to welcome us. Is it because we are renting a house on the “wrong side of the river”? Most likely. Her dress wasn’t 300$, and not because she couldn’t have gotten one- she didn’t want one. I had to explain to her that people are rude, no matter how rich or poor you are. And it was a terrible life lesson that I felt in my heart. It hurt for her. But, I also explained that this was a teachable moment and learning experience and that will make her only a better human. So, Fuck that country club. There are plenty more. With better pools, ponds and dining rooms. I appreciate your honesty and strength you shared through this post. Thank you!
Jennifer Trombatore
I am so disappointed that your application was handled this way! You deserve an explanation. Providing a decision debrief is the professional and right thing to do vs. leaving someone hanging. This is truly Biltmore’s loss. Your family is fantastic. Here’s to future cocktails at your pool.
Wendy
Kayla,
I do not usually post comments but I want to say bravo! You can not let anyone else drag you down, you are in control of your life. Also, you do not want to waste your money on the club build the pool much more satisfying!
Brian Walsh
I’m reminded of a Groucho Marx quote:
“I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.”
Well done. Keep it going.
Jen
Kayla,
I am so profoundly PROUD of your VOICE!
My husband and family grew up here. This IS middle school all over again. Unfortunately this is the other side of Barrington. I wish I knew you. You sound like my people. I’m sorry your kids were so impacted and hurt, which is the part that bothers me most. To that I say, “Empathy is a gift from God that can’t be taught it must be felt.”
Although this is painful to watch in your kids it is the antithesis of the human condition and what it means to surpass it because you have had the experience of pain.
The middle schooler in me says… they can suck it Kayla♥️ Rock On
Kyla Herbes
JenThank you so much for your wonderful comment Jen! You couldn’t be more right, there are some wonderful people who live in Barrington and the people I know who are members at Biltmore Country Club are lovely folks. This was the doing of a handful of douche canoes who either don’t like my political views or my views on masking, or covid, of maybe it’s the color of my house, or my pink front door. Maybe it’s my husband dressed in camouflage driving our vintage jacked up monster truck to go duck hunting at 4am Whatever the reason, they are not my people and my kids and husband will eventually come to that conclusion as well. Thank you so much for your kind words and happy new year!!!!!
Lana Steinecker
I work in Barrington and there are some really nice people in town. Unfortunatly it sounds like Biltmore doesn’t hold the same values as others in the community. My daughter lives in Tower Lakes and they love it. You can fish, go to the beach and join in all the fun activities they have for kids and adults. They have so many great friends there and my daughter is on the planning committee for the kids programs. You should take a look at their community. Same great houses, trees and rolling hills.
Renee Diak-Witek
Lana SteineckerActually I have met the nicest people at Biltmore in the last few years. Everyone has been so supportive of our Covid situation. I think there is more to this story.
Kyla Herbes
Renee Diak-WitekThe members we know are so incredibly nice, and while touring the grounds, the members we saw golfing (who we didn’t know) were very welcoming.
From what I’ve heard since posting, this happens more often than Biltmore Country Club cares to admit. If you find out more to my story, please let me know. We’d love some insight.
Cory Sweeney
I lived in Barrington for 24 years I moved out due to snobbery and being excluded for being Liberal.I was invited to join the club but declined as I was aquainted with some of the Super Karens who run the show there.You are better off ♡♡♡
Curious in the City
Cory SweeneyHmm.
So we are interested and pursuing a move to Barrington area from the city. This post and thread basically tells me it’s a closed minded community that’s as caddy as the reputation (beyond school’s good rep) it’s earned.
BUT – it also appears there’s a GDI streak there, apart from the Stepford/sororities/frats… is that true?
Is literally 3 miles from Biltmore to Tower Lakes that big of a difference?
Judy
Curious in the CityBarrington can be very cliquey. Neighborhoods matter. Tower Lakes is chill. Everyone moves to Biltmore to join the club unless old money has had a property there kept in family. Stay away from the village. It’s all the kids from highschool who’s mommy and daddy’s bought their lots for them to live close by. Trust me
Kyla Herbes
JudyI thought after living here over 6 years I had Barrington all figured out. Apparently I didn’t have a clue.
BMay
Curious in the CityI am one of Kyla’s Northern neighbors, who used to live in the Village. My husband and I liberal-minded. We have enjoyed the quiet that Barrington has to offer. I wouldn’t not move here because of the country clubs or the stereotypes. There are a lot of snobs but you don’t have to get wrapped up into their bullshit. We have plenty of friends outside of what I call the “Barrington Bubble.” North Barrington and Tower Lakes is pretty amazing. Don’t rule it out.
sam provenzano
Curious in the CityI will say we moved here from the nwside of the city. being extremely liberal, younger parents with older children.. we found a nook in the village that is just pure of joy and we couldn’t be happier. my high school kids who are not the norm love so much of what the hs has to offer.. I found a few great friends and people have welcomed us. I suggest highly looking into the VILLAGE of barrington as some of the others really unfortunately can hold true to their … BAAAARRRINGTON DAHLING mentality. But there are always gems in every town.
Kyla Herbes
Cory SweeneyAfter looking up Tommy Nassif on Twitter, I have a sneaking suspicion my liberal ways had a lot to do with the rejection letter from Biltmore Country Club. But in the grand scheme of life, this is a tiny blip. My kids and husband are slowly coming around to the same conclusion thanks to all the supportive comments and messages we’ve received.
Stephanie Ennis
Thank you for sharing your experience and post.
Your post gained me as a new subscriber and a follower of your social media outlets.
I’m sorry about your experience.
I hope you have a wonderful New Year.
Stephanie
Kyla Herbes
Stephanie EnnisHi Stephanie! Sorry it was this post that led you to my little corner of the internet but glad to have you! ❤️ Happy New Year!!!!!
Michelle Wilkes
I couldn’t help but look up Tommy Nassif and at least one of his cohorts on LinkedIn. Luckily we get a choice in this world of who we do business with. Love your blog and thankful that your post gives voice to so many others who have been denied a place at the proverbial cafeteria table, on the bus, at the party…..
Kyla Herbes
Michelle WilkesThanks for reading Michelle. Ya, I looked up Tommy Nassif on Twitter. Oooooph, it’s full of hate, politics and false covid claims. Definitely not my people – and part of me wonders if that wasn’t the deciding factor. It’s amazing the power one douche canoe can have ♀️
Jay Terrell
My 2¢, the social side of country clubs is more often than not terrible. Think of a country club, all of the blowhards, nerds, social misfits and other types you’d normally have nothing to do with; you are somewhat forced to interact with them. They are always there because they have no friends or social life outside of the club. The women are often catty busybodies. The men are never as rich or successful as they act when puffing out their chests. This is not absolute but very true in many cases and clubs. Rejection is God’s protection. Golf or tennis is the only good reason to join a club in my opinion.
Kyla Herbes
Jay TerrellOne of my friends said, “rejection is God’s protection” and it really couldn’t be more true. I’ll be channeling your wise words.
Elizabeth Mann
Just FYI if my family applied we would have been denied too! I would love to see the shoes. Your essay was amazing K. Herbes. You and your family are amazing. Our gain and their loss…
Kyla Herbes
Elizabeth MannDr. Mann!!!!! You’re family can always sit with me. I do with you would have moved to the Biltmore neighborhood.
sam provenzano
Elizabeth MannI will say we moved here from the nwside of the city. being extremely liberal, younger parents with older children.. we found a nook in the village that is just pure of joy and we couldn’t be happier. my high school kids who are not the norm love so much of what the hs has to offer.. I found a few great friends and people have welcomed us. I suggest highly looking into the VILLAGE of barrington as some of the others really unfortunately can hold true to their … BAAAARRRINGTON DAHLING mentality. But there are always gems in every town.
Wafa A
Thank you for being you and for having the courage to post about something that a lot of people, including me, can relate to. Whether it’s not being accepted to a country club, having a lease application be rejected, or someone you thought was a friend all of a sudden ghosting you, without a reason or cause that you can think of, keeping your head up and not let it bring you down is what matters.
Life is short. All I know is I will continue to be the good person I am, help whoever I can, and always try to see the good in people. I tell my kids all the time, surround yourself with those you love and those who love and respect you, and everyone else can be on their merry way.
Can’t wait to hear about the resort you’ll be building in your backyard ❤️.
Kyla Herbes
Wafa AWafa, you are my spirit animal! In the grand scheme of life, this is a tiny blip. I think seeing the kids and my husband bummed is what’s upsetting, but I’m going to channel your wise words.
Cheryl
Can you please build the pool and country club atmosphere in your backyard and start a new club for all of us who would not want to be part of Biltmore. We will all join and be happier in our own private club in your backyard
Kyla Herbes
CherylI’m definitely going to try! We have the whole septic tank to work around but where there’s a will, there’s a way, right?
Justthatmom
Hey Girl-
Not a Biltmore member but so wanted to be at one time. I see some of these people who are members and they are so snobby it is disgusting!
Anyhow… here’s what I know about a member family : Member #1 married 2x and cheated on both wife’s multiple times. Married for 3rd time to his former mistres, member #2 of 10 years (who was also married to a man who took her back after getting caught with member #1). Oh and she’s well known around town. And they call these people upstanding citizens? Give me a break!!
Kyla Herbes
JustthatmomYou’re confirming that these are definitely not my people. Ooooph!
Mary C
They are threatened by you. You’re more successful than them. I know it hurts, but take it as a compliment and move on. I went through this multiple times in life and always ended up in a better situation. I’m sorry your family had to deal with this.
Kyla Herbes
Mary CThanks Mary. In the grand scheme of life, this is a tiny blip. My husband and kids are slowly coming around. The support this post has received has been overwhelming, and I’ve been reading all the comments to them. It’s really helped them see that everything happens for a reason and to never let one person bring you down.
Donna Garves
Kyla – is the club a 501(c)(7) club? If so, they may have violated law. Do they accept weddings, golf groups, etc? If they’re 501(c)(7), they may have exceeded their unrelated business income threshhold. The IRS could revoke their status and hit them for back taxes. There are very few real “private” country clubs. I’ll bet you could make life very uncomfortable for them. Good luck. A retired country club general manager
Kyla Herbes
Donna GarvesSo I immediately Google and yes they are a 501(c)(7) Club and yes they accept weddings for sure. I’ll have to do more Googling.
Donna Garves
Kyla HerbesI meant outside, non-member weddings, etc. Good luck.
Donna Garves
Kyla HerbesHi there, FYI, saw your blog re Biltmore CC rejection of membership. Showed it to my husband, Joe, who has been a general manager at several private country clubs over the years. He’s now managing director of club managers in Midwest. He mentioned about the 501(c)(7). He also said to look up IRS form 990. He’s available for advice, comments, or any help at his business email: [email protected] sorry for what they did, from my experience as his wife, not surprised!!! Take good care, will continue reading your blog, and it’s sounds as tho you’re very successful, good luck in future, D.
Kyla Herbes
Donna GarvesDo you want this comment public? I made it private just in case.
Kyla Herbes
Donna GarvesI’m just going to leave this here https://projects.propublica.org/nonprofits/organizations/360808090
Donna Garves
FYI, My husband, Joe, wrote the comment on your blog re: 501(c)(7) status of the country club, not me. I was just reading your blog & found it very interesting. My Joe worked as GM in several country clubs over the years, so I’m very familiar. When I told him about your rejection, he made the comment back to you. Review form IRS form 990 online or Google. Joe is available for advice, comments, or any help, email at [email protected] take care, don’t feel bad at being rejected, you sound very successful already, you probably don’t want to be a member there anyway, or any private CC, Donna
Mike
Please shut up and move on.
Kyla Herbes
MikeJust so you’re aware, when you submit comments to my site, you’re also submitting your IP address. Enjoy Florida
Stephie Szady
You. Are. NOT. Alone!
Wynstone Member for 12 years.
The horrible woman (my neighbors…ppl whose kids were in CLASSROOMS with my children!!)
Broke into my house monthly & have HUGE white elephant parties with the SHIT they stole from my home!!! These BIG DUMMIES then put their crime on FACEBOOK….
Pretty soon… these gals will be trending in the news… I contacted the FBI
Patrick Weseman
Sorry about that. They are missing out on a great person and family.
Jonathan
I have found that the majority of Barrington in general is full of big fish in a little pond…The Biltmore is really the epitome of this. Let them live in that old world, dying mentality and spread your wings and fly.
Having been to many events at The Biltmore, I can assure you that there are other clubs in the area that easily rival what they have to offer – minus the nonsensical, pretentious behavior.
sam provenzano
can we please be friends. we moved here last year. you sound just like my people. if you are ever looking for a mom friend in the village with a husband that loves to fish and has no where to fish either hit me up!
Kyla Herbes
sam provenzanoCount me in Sam! We are in town quite often. Let me know if you ever want to grab a coffee ❤️
Noel Nicholas
Kyla
I lived in Barrington/Tower Lakes from 1974-97 and was a golf member at Biltmore CC from 1987-1996. While at Biltmore, I was on the Membership and New Clubhouse construction committees. I read your summary of events with Biltmore. So sorry to hear about your experience.
I will just make a few comments and leave it at that…
New membership process. When I joined in 1987 all comments and questions I had went directly to my 2 club sponsors. There was a 1 hour informal cocktail gathering with membership committee, new club applicants and their sponsors…all sponsors had to be present. I viewed this meeting as an opportunity to determine if I felt comfortable in this setting. My 2 sponsors actually did the selling of me to the club on an informal basis.
The communications you received from Biltmore is consistent with what the club used in 1987. The “Tommy” letter concerns me as he does not identify his function at Biltmore…member?… employee? This is a Business 101 no-no.
While I was a member, I sponsored 3 new members. I viewed that process as top priority because my name was directly tied to the new member…my club reputation was on the line. Responsibility of a club sponsor does not end by signing a new member applicant’s form…it just begins! I spent many hours at the Club informally and quietly selling my new member before acceptance and after.
My experience at Biltmore was fantastic…family-oriented, strong work ethic, local community caring and enduring friendships.
IMO…you were not rejected…you just weren’t selected…there is a difference.
Biltmore’s loss.
Noel Nicholas
Lac du Flambeau, WI
Kyla Herbes
Noel NicholasI wish that’s how membership worked these days. There is no longer a gathering to meet new applicants and there is no membership committee that I was ever made aware of.
The new norm is you pick your sponsors. If you don’t know anyone, you are assigned sponsors. If a member doesn’t like you, they email their friends asking them to tell the board to reject your application. A similar situation happened a month before us. A man going through a divorce was rejected because he did not ask his ex-wife for her blessing to apply (she was the equity member and a legacy member – while married he was a member).
To boot, no one at Biltmore has contacted my sponsors to inform them of the decision to reject our membership. They found out through us. That does not seem like a very nice way to treat existing members.
After this post made its rounds around town, I was informed that a couple of ladies in my Barrington Women In Business group (who I thought were my friends) did not like that I supported masking in schools. Sadly, this really was a mean girls situation, and after learning why, I’m thankful my family was not accepted. Mean girls are not my people. I guess if one good thing had to come out of covid, it’s seeing who your true friends are.
Noonecares
If you’re a liberal, i wouldnt want you either . No offense really. But people like you are responsible for the pile of S@#$ this country is currently experiencing right now. Stay home with your mask on.
Kyla Herbes
NoonecaresWow, there’s a lot to unpack here @noonecares. The thing that amazes me most is that this post still gets traction 2 years after the fact, LOL. And really, getting on that board’s nerve was the whole point. Standing ovation for the comment sir!