Last Updated on November 27, 2024
Over lockdown, I made it my mission to grow on TikTok. If you’ve been on this short-form video platform, then you may already know that TikTok puts you in common interest buckets. If you start liking videos created by dermatologists, you’re put into a skincare bucket. If you start liking home decor content, you’re put into the interior design bucket. But the algorithm goes deeper than that. It analyses repeat watching, searches, age groups, if you pause videos, and more. One day, TikTok’s algorithm served me videos about ADHD and changed my life. Did TikTok just diagnose me with ADHD?
A TikTok video by Dani Donovan popped up on my FYP and really hammered it home. I knew right then and there that I had adult ADHD and needed to get help.
In the past, I visualized someone with ADHD as that hyperactive boy in middle school. The one who got into trouble, failed math and was the class clown. What I didn’t know is that ADHD presents itself in many different ways, especially in females, which is why it can be very difficult to identify.
For me, I’m a constant interrupter. Looking back on it, I can totally see how disruptive that is to a meeting or conversation, but in my head, I honestly thought, “I have a brilliant idea to share! I must interject and share this amazing idea because if I don’t, I will forget it.”
In elementary school, I was taught to memorize. It was mandatory in parochial school to rattle off bible passages, hymns, and a copious amount of Jesus stories. This way of “learning” got me through high school, but college was a completely different story. On the days I chose to attend class, I’d take notes, but my mind would wander. Forcing me to sit quietly and pay attention…not gonna happen. I rented books, but never cracked them open. Trying to read a page made my eyes go out of focus. Therefore, if it was not talked about in class, I had no idea what was happening. At the end of my junior year, the university I was attending asked me to take a semester off.
Trouble paying attention, daydreaming, not finishing homework, and having a messy bedroom, desk, and workspace are all key behaviors that indicate ADHD in females. Structure and stability are not my jam.
When ADHD is not treated, most girls experience a drop in grades and the inability to manage friendships. I can’t tell you how many times I was the dick in a friendship. Friendships that I truly valued but at the time may have felt overwhelmed, got bored, or just didn’t think to say, “you’re important to me”. I’m also a very erratic friend. You may not hear from me for months and then all of a sudden I’ll text you with a, “Hey, girl hey!” What, that’s not normal? Go on. Tell me more.
There’s no concept of time. What my brain might compute as a week or two in between texts could be 7-8 months. I forget birthdays and anniversaries…even when they are on a Google calendar with multiple alerts. Time management skills also hinder my day-to-day activities. When someone asks, “can you be ready in 3 hours for dinner”, I say ya sure! But, I’ve also agreed to paint the house, MariKondo a closet, vacuum, get groceries, cook dinner for the kids, and write a couple of blog posts. Seems totally viable, right?
Impulse buying is yet another ADHD behavioral issue I suffer from. At the end of that same junior year of failing college, I had dug myself into a hole of $16k worth of credit card debt…oh and was also engaged to some dude I met in a bar 6 weeks prior. Imagine being a parent, listening to that phone call.
Shopping gave me a dopamine hit. A reward that gave me pleasure during a time when I was feeling awful about myself.
If you had told me 2 years ago, “Kyla, I think you have ADHD”, I would have said no way. My entire career while working in advertising was all about hitting deadlines and fast-paced life. I’d be so laser-focused while working on a design project, I would forget to pee and eat. I prided myself on never missing a deadline. What I recently learned is that hyperfixation is also a sign of ADHD.
So now that TikTok brought this to my attention, what the hell was I going to do about it? First off, I didn’t hide from it. The more I talked about it, the more I found my people. After some encouragement and a bit of Googling, I found a local health center for adult ADHD testing. A phone consult was scheduled, followed by a zoom meeting where I told my life story.
After 3 hours, the therapist said she would share her notes with the psychiatrist, and they’d call to set up a testing date. I waited and waited, and waited. After leaving a few voicemails, a very confused woman called to inform me that I should have never been seen for an ADHD evaluation because in-house testing was on hold due to Covid. What the hell?
A friend told me about Thomson Memory Center. They got me in for a 6-hour long test filled with memory puzzles and brain teasers. After returning home, mentally spent, I took a 4-hour nap. A couple of weeks later, I got the call to review my results and they confirmed TikTok’s diagnosis. I had ADHD with a predominantly inattentive presentation…what used to be referred to as adult ADD. They sent my test results to my GP, who told me, she read the report and my ADHD diagnosis did not warrant meds. Instead, she wanted me to focus on getting better sleep at night. What the hell?
Roadblock after roadblock did not deter my quest for help. What I came to find out is, ADHD drugs are government-restricted, and many times abused. After bursting into tears of frustration. I was sooooo close to getting my life on track. My doctor took pity on me and gave me a 30-day prescription for 10mg (lowest dosage) of Vyvanse and a referral to a local psychiatrist.
This gentleman was my final stop for help. He upped the dosage on my Zoloft and Vyvanse significantly, and now I have a monthly check-in with him to make sure I’m doing okay, and I am! The new cocktail of meds have me understanding time, writing a to-do list, and time blocking tasks. I found a planner that actually works for me, and located the extra set of car keys I lost 2 years ago, but blamed The Boy for losing. Drawers and cabinet doors are no longer being left open. I’ve said goodbye to abandoned cups and half-full LaCroix cans. I’m no longer walking downstairs to make a salad and winding up in the laundry room peering cluelessly into the dryer. Most importantly, I’m no longer missing stop signs while driving.
My life is finally getting on track, but I’m also learning about other ADHD-related issues I might have like Convergence Insufficiency, Delayed Sleep Phase Syndrome, Auditory Processing Disorder, and Body-Focused Repetitive Behaviors. While I’m learning about this host of additional disorders, I’m also trying to discover the gifted side of ADHD.
This was a lot to unpack, but before I sign off, if you do not have ADHD, do not say these things to someone with ADHD. Yes, we know we get sidetracked and ramble. It’s the way our brains work, and we’re coping with it as best we can. I plan to continue writing about my journey with ADHD and share things that have helped me with daily tasks
More Personal Musings By Kyla Herbes
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I’ve been helping to organize the Jackson Chance Ping Pong Ball to help NICU babies at Lurie’s Children’s Hospital. See how you can help too!
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My life 1 year ago today. How it looks one year after lockdown.
Rebecca Rodriguez
Such an interesting read, thanks for sharing. My son is ADHD, and as you’ve mentioned, a huge misconception is that people with ADHD can’t focus. He’s super focused on what interests him, it’s all the crap that doesn’t. You may want to check out some books by Ned Hallowell. He’s a physician with ADHD. His podcasts and books always bring a few nuggets. And can I just add to what to never say to someone with ADHD “please don’t tell me you’re gonna take medication.” That one gets me every time.
kyla
Rebecca RodriguezThat is a good one. Whether or not you decide to take meds yourself or give them to your child, that’s your business. Sometimes meds are great, sometimes not so much. I’m going to check out the books and podcasts. Researching ADHD has been fascinating and eye-opening. Big hugs to your kiddo…this isn’t easy to navigate. Good for you for looking out for his well-being.
Kate D
Thank you for sharing this story! I was diagnosed two years ago with ADHD and BPD (which likely developed as a result of the untreated ADHD). I have spent the last two years learning how my brain works, which has been such a relief to my self esteem and also helped my marriage. The ADDITUDE website has been a great resource! I hope you continue to have a good journey learning about yourself too, and look forward to reading more.
kyla
Kate DJust knowing there’s a reason why I do the things I do has been a game changer. And you’re right! Huge help for self-esteem and marriage!!!
Megan Pflug
Me too!!!! Thanks for sharing this Kyla. I was diagnosed as a kid but my parents opted not treat it because I wasn’t raising hell in school or bouncing off the walls. As an adult in my 30s I finally tried medicine it was helpful but not a magic bullet. Reading about all the related conditions in you post was such an eye opener. I’m like ✔️✔️✔️✔️ LOL! Anyway here’s to kicking ass and being a weirdo. ❤️
kyla
Megan PflugCheers to kicking ass is right!!!! And definitely yes to being a weirdo forever. Meds are definitely not the perfect fix. Today I was incredibly unproductive ♀️ I shall try again tomorrow.
Justine Stuckenschneider
Great timing with this post as I just saw my doctor and brought up to her that I think I may have ADD, despite being 36 and never having a diagnosis before – or really thinking I may have it until recently. I always joke that my browser tabs are like my brain – so many things going at once, I just bounce around from one to the other..and forget about some. Never knew I had to go see a psychologist though to get a diagnosis…now to not procrastinate making an appointment with one.
kyla
Justine StuckenschneiderThomson Memory Center has a bunch of locations and they got me in within a few weeks. Another friend of mine was able to just fill out a long questionnaire. It’s definitely harder as an adult to get help. Keep me posted and I’m always here to help.
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Anna-Lisa
So, just seeing this and it was eye-opening! I live in Chicago as well – were you happy with the Thomson Memory Center? One of my sons was diagnosed years ago and we were told at that point it’s hereditary…my husband and I both laughed and said it was me. Fast-forward and even though I’m now in my 50’s, thinking I should go ahead and officially get diagnosed and try medication. Better late than never!
Kyla Herbes
Anna-LisaHi Anna-Lisa! I’m pushing 50 and so glad I took the steps to get diagnosed. Meds aren’t for everyone, but for me, they made a night and day difference. I loved Thomson. After so many road blocks, it was a relief to find people who were helpful.