I Found My Old Sassy Magazines

Rewind To 1988 With A Vintage Sassy Magazine

Every month, I would walk to the local bookstore in downtown Baraboo, WI, to buy the latest issue of Sassy Magazine for two dollars. BTDubs, my allowance back then was five dollars a week.

I thought sharing the Sassy July 1988 issue might be fun. Looking back at what was trending in the late 80s and the products advertised — let me tell you, it’s a trip. Who was the one to watch? Where are they now? It also got me thinking about how different life was without the internet and iPhones. Let’s open the pages, shall we?

Hot News From July 1988

Rumors of a Dirty Dancing 2 were swirling around, but a quick Google search told me only Dirty Dancing: Havana Nights had been released. BTDubs, it was a box office bomb. However, according to IMBD, Dirty Dancing 2 is in the works, and Jennifer Grey will return as Baby in 2025. Maybe the Hollywood execs are reading back issues of Sassy for movie ideas.

According to Sassy Magazine, stonewashed denim was officially out, “and if there was anything less attractive than a girl wearing stonewashed jeans, it was a guy wearing stonewashed jeans.” Apparently, there was just too much of it, and Sassy editors advised you to stick with a normal wash instead. A little harsh, but okay, I get it; I feel the same way about shiplap.

The cool concert of the month was the INXS KICK tour. According to Google, the setlist included New Sensation, Devil Inside, and Mistify. The encore ended with Suicide Blond. That album is iconic. I don’t know about you, but I wore that cassette out. I also owned an INXS tee and rocked it with my ESPIRT bag.

Did You Enter Noxema’s Sassiest Girl In America Contest?

One of the first pages in the July 1988 issue is a contest sponsored by Noxzema looking for the “sassiest girl in America.” Don’t forget, there was no Internet back then, so you had to mail in your application to a random PO Box. Mandatory “vital stats” to include were your name, address, age, school, year in school, honors awards, and any prizes you may have won. What in the identity theft is this? Can you imagine willingly giving this kind of personal info to a company today? I mean, I hesitate when I’m asked to provide my email address.

But that’s not all. Next up, you needed to answer a few questions. What is your motto? What is your favorite movie? Book? TV show? Day of the week? Place? Animal? And so much more. Maybe we need to do a blog post dedicated to this contest. I’ll go first, and you can drop your answers in the comment section. Not the vital stats of course, but the fun questions. What do you think?

The Edgy Articles That Made Sassy A Bit Controversial

“And They’re Gay” was the center spread article that featured two couples talking about what it was like to be gay in 1988. Back then, well, you didn’t talk about it, and if the “gaydar” went off, everyone assumed you had AIDS. Sad but true. I’m thankful that Sassy and these two couples were brave enough to publish this article so rural Wisconsin girls like myself could learn and accept that a different way of life was a-okay.

It’s articles like this that made Sassy so sassy. They openly wrote about “taboo” subjects and helped normalize them to a mainstream audience. Like Seventeen Magazine and YM, Sassy wrote about zits, fashion, boys, boys, and more boys, but the editors always included one radically diverse article. From kids living on the street to life as a teenage stripper, Sassy covered it. Ultimately, it’s what led to Sassy’s demise. Spooked advertisers pulled from the publication.

Articles Written To Sell Ad Space

To “hide” the controversial articles found in Sassy, editors sprinkled in fluff articles to attract mainstream advertisers. The July 1988 pieces were:

“I Was a ‘Dating Game’ Bachelorette” — a behind-the-scenes look at what happens on a game show’s set with Christina Kelly.

“Five Guys Not To Date” — if you were dabbling in the dating scene, you needed to be aware of Mr. Perfect, The Bad Boy, and the boy who was already taken, to name a few.

“These Models Used To Look Like That” included not so flattering photos of four hot faces. This was not an I just woke up like this real look at the model in real-time, but rather a look back at what the model looked like at the age of 9 or 14.

Must Buy Albums and Movie Hits (and Misses)

According to Sassy editors, the latest Morrissey album, Viva Hate, was a hit, and I 100% agree with this review. That cassette was on heavy rotation. Sassy called it a “tour de force of emotion.”

Another noteworthy album hit was Prince’s Lovesexy — and in true alternative form, this album was banned. The cover was too sexy. Some stores banned it altogether, and others sold it in a black wrapper. Funny enough, Lovesexy is considered Prince’s gospel album, and it was initially released as one long track, forcing the listener to consume it as one whole body of work.

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The NuShooz release was a flop minus the song “Should I Say Yes.” Sassy said the new album was boring and uninspiring, and the lead singer was a “fake Madonna.” They also said if you are having a party and it’s 4:30 a.m. and you want everyone to leave, play this album. Wow, they didn’t hold back!

The movie Permanent Record was a must-see, but you could skip Critters 2 (to quote the review, “What a stupid movie!”). Stormy Monday and Running On Empty were also Sassy’s top movie picks. I’ve oddly never seen any of these.

The “What Now” section mentioned the major babe in Permanent Record, Keanu Reeves. According to Sassy, Keanu means “cool breeze” in Hawaiian. He was born in Beirut, lived in Australia, and settled in Toronto. Sassy’s editors probably should have picked Keanu as their “One To Watch.”

80s Products & The One Ad That Was So Bad!

Much to my surprise, you can still buy the Designer Imposters body spray by Parfums De Coeur on Amazon and Walmart. They were advertised as designer quality fragrances without the designer prices. I feel like this is the original dupe. Back in the 80s, the packaging had a plastic flower cap and really horrible typography that said, “If you like Giorgio, you’ll love Primo.” If you’re under the age of 40 and reading this, Designer Imposters was basically Ax Body Sprays for teenage girls.

An ad for Tropical Blend claims to help you “uncover the dark tanning secrets of the tropics without the burn” with its “NEW SPF 5 tanning lotion for sun worshippers.” There was also an SPF 15 4-hour tanning lotion that let you tan for hours with sunburning, and for added protection, you could slather on the SPF 4 dark tanning oil. No wonder Gen X has skin cancer.

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